Now, what do we mean by "grief? Is it something apart from you? Is it something outside of you, inwardly or outwardly, which you are observing, which you are experiencing? Are you merely the observer experiencing? Or, is it something different? Surely that is an important point, is it not? When I say, "I suffer," what do I mean by it? Am I different from the suffering? Surely that is the question, is it not? Let us find out.
There is one part of sorrow that is demanding why, demanding the explanation, the reasons, the causes. The other part of me is in agony for various reasons. And there is also another part of me which wants to be free from the sorrow, which wants to go beyond it. We are all these things, are we not? So, if one part of me is rejecting, resisting sorrow, another part of me is seeking an explanation, is caught up in theories, and another part of me is escaping from the fact - how then can I understand it totally? It is only when I am capable of integrated understanding that there is a possibility of freedom from sorrow. But if I am torn in different directions, then I do not see the truth of it.
So, it is very important to find out, is it not, whether I am merely the observer experiencing sorrow. Please follow this question slowly and carefully. If I am merely the observer experiencing sorrow, then there are two states in my being - the one who observes, who thinks, who experiences, and the other who is observed - which is, the experience, the thought. So as long as there is a division, there is no immediate freedom from sorrow.
Now, please listen carefully, and you will see that when there is a fact, a truth, there is understanding of it only when I can experience the whole thing without division - and not when there is the separation of the 'me' observing suffering. That is the truth. Now, what is your immediate reaction to that? Is not your immediate reaction, response, "How am I to bridge the gap between the two?" I recognize that there are different entities in me - the thinker and the thought, the experiencer and the experience, the one who suffers and the one who observes the suffering. And, as long as there is a division, a separation, there is conflict. And it is only when there is integration that there is freedom from sorrow. That is the truth; that is the fact. Now, how do you respond to it? Do you see the thing immediately and experience it directly, or do you ask the question, "How am I to bridge the division between the two entities? How am I to bring about integration?" Is that not your instinctive response? If that is so, then you are not seeing the truth. Then your question of how to bring about integration has no value. For it is only when I can see the thing completely, wholly, without this division in myself, that there is a possibility of freedom from the thing which I call sorrow.
So, one has to find out how one looks at sorrow. Not what the books or what anybody else says, not according to any teacher or authority, but how you regard it, how you instinctively approach it. Then you will surely find out, will you not, if there really is this division in your mind. So long as there is that division, there must be sorrow. So long as there is the desire to be free from sorrow, to resist sorrow, to seek explanations, to avoid, then sorrow becomes the shadow, everlastingly pursuing.
So, what is very important in this question is, is it not, how each one of us responds to psychological pain - when we are bereaved, when we are hurt, and so on. We need not go into the causes of sorrow. But we know them very well - the ache of loneliness, the fear of losing, not being loved, being frustrated, the loss of someone. We know all this very well; we are only too familiar with this thing called sorrow. And we have many explanations, very convenient and satisfying. But there is no freedom from sorrow. Explanations do not give freedom. They may cover up, but the thing continues. And we are trying to find out how to be free from sorrow, not which explanations are more satisfactory. There can be freedom from sorrow only if there is an integration. And we cannot understand what integration is unless we are first aware of how we look at sorrow.